To Communicate or Not to Communicate…

Actually, it’s impossible not to communicate. Even if you entered a room full of people and stood in the corner and didn’t say a word, then left after a couple of hours, you would have said volumes!

Why? Because 55% of what you say is actually through body language. So, standing in a corner by yourself, you could have been communicating that you are aloof, confident, shy or just not very friendly.

The questions most of us, especially in business, could ask ourselves are: What do I want to communicate? (What’s my message? What outcome do I want? What impression would I like to give?

It’s not about being loud and confident. We all know very quiet people who can communicate well, especially one-on-one. So, let’s just talk about everyday communication. Fear of being negatively judged or not being interesting enough can hold people back from being good communicators. 

People who are shy or lacking confidence often focus on themselves (wondering how they are coming across). This internal focus often breaks rapport, and the other person can feel a ‘disconnection’. They know, at some level, you aren’t fully engaged with them. And they’re right; you’re more interested in yourself, how you are being perceived. 

Most people have not mastered the art of listening; they are too busy waiting to have their say. Good listeners are genuinely interested in the person they are talking to. They seek first to understand and build rapport before talking about themselves. Part of being ‘interesting’ is being interested. It can also increase your charisma when you truly engage with someone; they feel ‘heard’.   

So, some simple pointers about listening:

  • Listen twice as much as you speak. 
  • Maintain eye contact – it shows others you are paying attention. 
  • Allow people to finish their own sentences no matter how enthusiastically you want to jump into the conversation. 
  • Respond, so the other person knows you are listening. Even just a nod of the head is enough.
  • Be accepting rather than judgmental so you can truly hear the message being given.
  • Ask questions for clarification. ‘Why’ questions help build deeper rapport on certain topics.
  • Pause before replying. Pausing not only gives you time to think about what you’re going to say, but it can also add power to what you say. It indicates you are giving a considered response. However, be sincere, and above all, relax.

Denise Bosque D.Hyp, MBSCH, NLPMP, EMDR, LAR |

0208 894 94 55      0795 834 14 75

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